I don't usually publish my 'actual' writing on my blog because at somepoint or another I intend to get it published, that being said - the piece that follows isn't what you'd expect to find in the letters page of the Herald...

Please be warned, the following poem is not for the weak hearted, easily offended or people who cant take a f**king joke. :P 


Rant of a Drunken Scotsman...

Fuck corporate politicians taking back hand bribes.
And fuck the illegal immigrants that they fail to find!
Fuck Sterling to Euro and a double dip recession,
And fuck David Cameron and national depression,
Fuck unemployment and the minimum wage,
Fuck a state pension and raised retirement age!
Fuck ALL the alkies out there getting plastered,
And fuck the fathers of fatherless bastards!
Fuck pimps, fuck paedo’s and fuck police with greasy palms,
And fuck all those fuckers who give support to the man!
Fuck the angry young men who get paid to make bombs,
And fuck the fucking pop idols who wipe our minds with their songs,

Fuck Paris. Fuck Britney. Who sell stories of theirs,
Fuck Justin. Fuck Robbie. Cause no nobody cares!
Take a fuck ‘Hello’ magazine to your celebrity farce,
And here’s a fuck to the ‘yes men’ who blow smoke up yer’ arse.
Fuck Simon Cowell and all that that means,
The prick became rich by stamping on dreams!
Fuck the Prada Princesses with fake tits and straight teeth,
Sneering down their noses at the working class round their feet,
Versaci and Gucci can get themselves to fuck,
Abusing poverty stricken countries already out of luck!
You know what? Fuck Perfection – that glorious lie!
You still piss moan and fail, you’re as perfect as I!

Ya’ll look like you’re shocked, so I’ll end this stunt,
But I’ll be seeing you later, and fuck you…yah C U Next Tuesday!


  1. I feel I should add that

    A)I am Scottish.
    B)I wrote this drunk.
    C)The thoughts and opinions expressed in this poem do not necessarily reflect those held by the author of said poem and the author cannot be held responsible for any offence taken by those who do not possess appropriate levels of humor.

    1. I would say remove c)
      as who cares its a provocative but well written poem and the only ppl likely to take offence are the ppl peing told to fuck off :)
      you spent too much time with me i think...

  2. "And fuck the fathers of fatherless bastards!"
    My favourite line by far - really love this piece. Submit it to a grit/noir site - why the hell not?

  3. That is my favourite too ;)

    Ill have a look into it and see if I can find this poem a home!

  4. Thanks Aly, that is definitely the edited version!